yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
