Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
