Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
