I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
