kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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