It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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