my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
