If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
