It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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