Your dad touched me again.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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