I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
