genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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