New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
fuck your aforementioned shoe
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
