You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
