Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
