The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
