I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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