you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
