why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
