it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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