your parents love me but you hate me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize