Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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