So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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