This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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