so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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