I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.