Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
