Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Who did Billy Mays play for?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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