I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
