Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
