Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
