At least make sure they are 18
Why
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
