good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
