I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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