turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
