You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So here I am, sexting at work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize