so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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