do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
