Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
