My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
