Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
