It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize