But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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