I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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