somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
