$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
