we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
