watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
