I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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