idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
