I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
