My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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