hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
