I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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