I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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