i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
