Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
