thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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