I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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