Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
