Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
