exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
