She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
