Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
